Thanks for teaching my story, Andy! :-)We're delighted to have you chime in, and there's no need to wait on absent-minded me to issue a formal invitation. Benjamin Rosenbaum, meet the class; class, meet Benjamin Rosenbaum.
(Nowhere is safe from the all-seeing eye of Google Alerts)
(I note that your syllabus says "Also chiming in from time to time may be invited guests from the world of fantasy publishing (as opposed to the fantasy world, which we all inhabit)"... clearly you should update it to insert "or uninvited"...)
Class, check out our guest's archived blog entries about the writing of "A Siege of Cranes" -- which I just discovered, myself. Here he reveals that the first draft was written in a five-day frenzy, and that much of the worldbuilding was derived from his work on the online fantasy game Sanctum. Here he shares the issues he tackled in the initial rewrite. And here he reveals that he finally sold the story, after umpteen rewrites, five years after that first draft.
Benjamin, "A Siege of Cranes" seems such a natural for Twenty Epics that I'm rather floored it wasn't written especially for that anthology. Heck, the whole anthology might have been inspired by your story!
I'm also amused by this confession of yours: "One problem I know already: the title has absolutely nothing to do with the story. But it's such a cool title! Sigh."
If you don't mind my asking, how different is the published story from that initial draft, what are the chief differences, and what's your assessment of the finished product? Is this sort of fast, violent, detail-rich sword-and-sorcery adventure a subgenre you envision yourself returning to?
8 comments:
Hi Andy! Hi class!
I know, the title has nothing to do with the story. However, think of the sequels! I am still hoping to be able to write "A Knot of Toads", "A Bed of Snakes", or "A Rout of Snails".
I'm not even kidding a little bit.
Most of the differences from the initial draft (which I think I have, if you want to show it to your class) are in style, pacing, character, and details of worldbuilding. There was a bunch of worldbuilding thrown out -- a whole sort of different psychology for Marish's people, where he would think in terms of an (internal) voice of hope, despair, etc. -- wasn't really working. The basic sequence of events remained more or less the same throughout.
The most important change, I think, happened after I'd already sold the story, in response to David Moles pushing and prodding. That is the great thing about a good editor! I had long been queasy on feminist grounds about the story being sort of a very traditional "noble fellow defeats bad crazy witch" story, and had tried everything I knew to try to keep Maghd somehow human and sympathetic, but it didnt really work. In the last rewrite I realized the way to do it was not to change Maghd at all, but to change Marish -- to add hints that he was complicit in Maghd's downfall, that his relationship with Maghd was problematic to begin with, that his marriage was not in such great shape, etc. I feel like this did the trick, and that the resulting story is much stronger for it. I don't even know how much it comes across, but it makes me happy.
The story is certainly somewhat different than a lot of my other work, though the other story I sold to Moles is in some ways similar. Both are rollicking neo-pulp adventure tales. Writing "Siege" was a breakthrough in that sense, since I had been working in much more "literary", for want of a better word, modes. I just read Chabon's "Gentlemen of the Road", and I feel like writing "Siege" -- my reaction of "hey, I could to that too!" upon receiving a rejection from Black Gate for The White City, was a similar moment.
"Siege" is an homage to/deconstruction of Moorcock('s homage to/deconstruction of Lieber's homage to/deconstruction of Robert E. Howard). The sword & sorcery form -- as opposed to either high or literary fantasy -- was very freeing, because S&S is largely (it seems to me) in the tradition of the picaresque. Most forms of fantasy require a tight interweaving of the strands of plot, so that everything has a purpose and a relevance to everything else, but S&S, by its nature -- by the kind of society it depicts, by the kind of character it features, by its implicit moral stance and its basic contract with the reader -- is allowed to be one damn thing after another. This made it easy to write fast!
So yeah, I can totally see myself returning to it. I sort of feel like there's a sequel, which begins either with with Maghd, imprisoned in the djinn's bottle, telling her side of the story, or with Marish decamping from the city of Kadath-Naan's people, where he's been working at a day care center since they brought him back from the mass gravesite, in the company of Kadath-Naan's rebellious daughter.... haven't got much farther than that, though.
tap...tap... is this thing on? :-)
Hi Mr. Rosenbaum! I apologize for the lateness of this comment. We all love to procrastinate and post as late as possible! I'm sure my classmates will also input their wise and intelligent thoughts soon. So, I just want to say that your sequel should be "A Bed of Snakes", if only because snakes are perhaps the coolest animal. Or, you could write about the snails, they are also cool. I think it would be interesting to read your first draft, if you can get it to Andy. I'm glad you changed Marish instead of Maghd. I thought that the problems made Marish seem more relatable and I liked him more because he had problems. I also really like the idea of a sequel with Maghd. I don't think I really got a good feeling with her in the first story and I would be interested in understanding more about her and her motives behind the evil that she committed.
Okay, so I really enjoyed how your story meshed a bunch of different elements. It was actually somewhat trippy with lots of random fantasy moments. Also, it kept my attention (which is hard to do) with all the surprises. So, yes, I liked your story and basically that's all I had to say. I know my other classmates will comment as well, they are just a little late. So, yea! I'm glad you goggled your name and commented on our blog. It's nice to actually hear the author's opinions on his story.
Hello there Mr. Rosenbaum!!!
As Amy so kindly mentioned, my classmates (including myself) love to procrastinate! I must say that I would be absolutely thrilled if you wrote a sequel to the story. I thoroughly enjoyed the ending with the talking hedgehog(lol). I can definitely say I didn't see that one coming! I also have to add the fact that I though Kadath-Naan was the most amazing character I was quite saddened when he got engulfed by "a pillar of fire" :( Just thinking...I don't know if I missed any clues in the beginning of the story or not, but was there something going on with Marish and Maghd before this whole ordeal? Because to just throw herself at him like that without any prior indication that he might have possibly had interest in her was kind of odd :\ (I suppose that it does help that she was originally considered slightly crazy though). If you do write a sequel you should bring Kadath-Naan back at least for a brief moment. He was great. So all in all, Mr. Rosenbaum, I liked your story. Thanks for stopping by our blog and chit-chatting with us!
Hello Mr. Rosenbaum!
Again... we are college students, which means we are creatures of procrastination, but we really do appreciate you dropping in on our blog! It's not often one has the author of a "classroom taught text" right there for the casual talking to. So, thanks for commenting!
Anyway, I think you're totally right about the S&S tradition mirroring that of the picaresque. I'd actually never even thought of it that way.
I really liked "A Siege of Cranes" overall, and was rather intrigued by the condensation of a Sword and Sorcery plot within the length of a short story. I have to say, I was incredibly creeped out by your descriptions of the body tank and the bloodied villages it left behind. Kudos for giving me nightmares (that's a compliment, I swear). I also really loved how the language of the Anubis-type-jackal-man revolved so much around painful deaths and shades of Stoicism. A very well rendered quirky sidekick, I must say.
You already answered most of the questions I wanted to ask about the story (including the one about the title!), but I have to ask: Why the brief introduction of the equestrian heroine with the same name as Marish's daughter only to have her be summarily consumed? This troubled me, and I was just curious as to why you put it in (poor Marish just can't catch a break).
As for the pending sequel, I would definitely be interested in seeing the story from Maghd's point of view. She's a very interesting character with the feel of the post-Hamlet, troubled Ophelia... but more sinister, of course...
I love crazy characters.
Again, to echo my classmates, I am quite sorry we did not respond sooner, and I am also happy you stopped by! In fairness, we did have a paper due this past week and the blog was a little neglected.
Hello!
You say there is the possiblity of a sequel? Awesome! Especially if we get to hear more from Maghd's side of the story, like how did she learn how to do that in the first place? I'd have to say that the worldbuilding was my favorite part.
Thanks for stopping by and dropping us a line!
Hey there!
Wow, they arrive in droves. :-)
Glad to hear that you liked the story, thanks for all the kind
words.
The talking hedgehog is also a favorite of mine.
Bed of Snakes, yeah. Totally.
Clues to Marish's prior relationship with Maghd -- they're well hidden, it's like a scavenger hunt, but consider:
Temur's irritation:
“Wherecome you’re giving that sow our good coins?” Temur had cried, her bright eyes flashing.
Maghd's reputation in town:
“Bag-Maghd’s good for holding one thing only,” Fazt would call out and they’d laugh their way into the alehouse. Marish laughing too, stopping only when he looked back at her.
When the freaky blue light is telling Marish to stay in Nabuz and become its slave, consider what it asks him to forget:
Forget willowy Temur, her hair smooth as a river and bright as a sheaf of wheat, her proud shoulders and her slender waist, Temur turning her satin cheek away when he tried to kiss it. Forget the creak and splash of the mill, and the soft rushes on the floor of Maghd’s hovel.
Doesn't sound like Temur is all that accomodating, does it... and the next thought is the soft rushes on the floor of Maghd's hovel. What were you doing inspecting the softness of the floor of Maghd's hovel, Marish?
Temur sure does seem pissed about something: His was thinking of Temur and her caresses. The nights she’d turn away from him, back straight as a spear, and the space of rushes between them would be like a frozen desert, and he’d huddle unsleeping beneath skins and woolen blankets, stiff from cold, arguing silently with her in his spirit; and the nights when she’d turn to him, her soft skin hot and alive against his, seeking him silently, almost vengefully, as if showing him — see? This is what you can have. This is what I am.
Maghd comes to mind when Marish is on the point of giving up, after Kadith-Naan and big Asza get roasted, but before he guesses the identity of the white wtich:
Marish lay on the ground and he hurt. The hurt was a song, and it sang him. Everything was lost and far away. No Asza, no Temur, no Maghd; no quest, no hero, no trickster, no hunter, no father, no groom.
Interesting that the poor mad girl everyone laughs at is third in the list, isn't it? We're not feeling guilty about anything, are we Marish?
By Maghd's own account, the breaking point in her relation with her fellow villagers is when Marish is away and she refuses to humble herself before Temur -- upsetting the balance of power between them: "You’d gone out hunting," she said. "And that Temur of yours" — she said the name as if it tasted of vinegar — "she seen me back of Lezur’s, and for one time I didn’t look down. I looked at her eyes, and she named me a foul witch."
The story is told in tight third person, very much from Marish's perspective, so things Marish doesn't want to dwell on are... not dwelled on. But yeah, I think our boy is feeling guilty about something, and it isn't just that he had the bad luck to be out hunting rabbits.
I love Kadath-Naan too. I don't think I could resurrect him (he would never forgive me), but maybe a prequel...? :-)
I have trouble answering the question as to why equestrian Asza was introduced and consumed. Hmm. Hardly seems fair, really. In terms of my motivation, I think I was just beating up on Marish some more, in two ways. One, I wanted to have another dramatic way to dramatize his missing his daughter. Along with the rag doll in the mud, the weight of the apples corresponding to her weight, etc., one of the profound things about being a parent is imagining what your child will be like as a grown-up. So I wanted to present him with a vision of what might have been: his daughter as a strong and capable leader (also a rider, which he might have taught her the way his father taught him). His (somewhat spurious) identification of this grownup with his lost daughter spurs him on to greater efforts to save her village.
I also just wanted something really at stake in that scene-- some reason to take on the chariot right then, and to feel like they had a chance. So Asza and her villagers as inspiring allies make Marish believe that fighting the White Witch head-on is going to work.
Partly, I wanted to give Marish hope in order to better crush him -- I wanted him to prevail only after he finally gives up on conquering through heroism. He ends winning both through speaking the truth (naming the villagers), but also through a very unheroic and cruel act of deception.
How Maghd learned to do that: well, largely she bartered the souls of the villagers of Ilmak Dale (which were hidden in rocks) to the Spirit of Unwinding Things. After that, Maghd wasn't wholly in control of what she was doing... she was kind of riding the wave, and her perceptions were rather distorted. I'll have to figure out the details if I do write a sequel...
You are almost like a spirit, Benjamin Rosenbaum, in that our class attempts to summon you by typing your name.
More importantly, I loved your story. The fast paced surprises made for a thrilling read. Yet, I wouldn't mind a much more prolonged sequel. With the interesting blend of multiple worlds, including Marish's, Kadath-Naan's, and the djinn's, you have a lot to delve into.
You wrote in your initial post that you weren't sure how much the changes in Marish's character came across, but I don't think you need worry. I felt his marital problems made him so much more real and even admirable. Temur's proud character rang loud and clear and I even understood that Maghd and Marish's relationship went deeper. I love that you didn't force the personality of your characters, but allowed the reader to piece them together.
Having already explained so much in your first post, I'm glad you've taken the time to revisit. You have provided even deeper insight to this story and it's much appreciated. Your own website is rather awesome as well. I'm not a writer, but if I were, your site would totally be inspiration for how a successful writer is making it in this world. I don't typically think of authors as people, so much as magical writing talents in a land far away (which is why I was nervous about posting any earlier). But, since you've proven yourself remarkably personable and at least one of the class seems to have voted already, I want to finish by listing "A Knot of Toads," as my favorite sequel title. Knots certainly fit into your well-tied together story, not to mention the still-haunting-me-in-my-sleep image of mish-mashed body parts!
Post a Comment